rainy night

Put the key in the lock, turn, hear the metallic clink of the lock giving, and push my way into my dimly-lit apartment. Flip the switch, soft orange light floods the room, illuminating my living room, glowing softly off the parquet wooden floor of my kitchen. Step out of my shoes, turn on some Alicia Keyes, and throw my bag onto the couch.

Outside, the wind is blowing softly, slanting the otherwise straight downward fall of the night time drizzle, the wet which I have just come in from. Now I'm warm and dry, and the shower is beckoning. Uni once again when tomorrow comes.

"If I Ain't Got You" is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

I've realized something. I don't need anyone to make me complete or happy. Don't get me wrong, I haven't degenerated into man-eating i'm-staunchly-remaining-single-so-get-outta-my-way Mel...if you want to be a part of my life, earn it. Treat me the way I expect to be treated, because I'm not asking for much. You just don't seem to get it. Do you need me to spell it out for you in words?

I used to not be sure, but now i really do think that two people need to start out as friends before anything else. They have to have a connection, or some sort of understanding of each other at least, before they rush into anything. You can't build anything on a weak foundation. You could get into a relationship without a prior knowledge of how to communicate, or each other's wants and needs, but somewhere along the line, when things start taking a downward turn, it all comes back to the idea of the foundation - the type of person you both are, accepting that, and understanding how to co-exist.

I set high standards, but hey, the only way to get what you deserve is to aim for the stars. Not everyone reaches their star, but at least they get off the ground.

You're like a breeze and I'm like a feather floating to the ground. I try to right my passage, try to follow a straight path, but then you come along and push me, dizzy me, send me spinning off course into an emotional turmoil which is totally unnecessary. And no sooner do I recover than you come along again. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I know that the little things you say and do without a second thought shouldn't bother me. They're just that: little. Yet they niggle at me, linger in my mind despite everything I do and I don't know why.

You know what...you do what you wanna do. Figure things out. Anything you wanna know, ask me and I'll tell you. It's not that this isn't important to me, it's just that it's ridiculous going on like this and having my peace of mind slip out of my reach when it's the thing I most need right now. Do you even realize the effect you're having on me? How much you're thwarting my efforts to recover when that's the only thing I wish I had? You promise me the world but the things I want? You don't know about them and you're in my way.