The Birthday Post

Yes, I'm officially 19.


Full report on birthday activites after they're all over. Today, dinner with Suvs, Erwin and Snongy. Tomorrow, BBQ with muoss-ers. Saturday night, dinner with high school friends. Why is it that everyone wants to have dinner? I offer them lunch slots but they insist on dinner. Is it written down somewhere that bdays have to be celebrated at night? *scratch head*


I'm in a reflective mood this year. I have A LOT of stuff to do. Personal problems. Family problems. Financial problems. I hate it when people look at me and conclude that I'm a rich spoilt brat and therefore could not possibly have financial problems. And complain that I'm being stingy when I talk about petrol prices or how i haven't been shopping in ages. So I live in Bukit Damansara. So I live in a nice apartment here. So I have a couple of nice tops. So what. For all I know, my parents could be taking out loans to ensure I have money to spend sustaining the lifestyle I do, all without my knowledge. And I am doing something about it OK. Like I said, I haven't shopped in ages. I try not to eat out so much (thank god for naturally tiny appetites). I'm looking for a job. But sigh, how much difference can i really make.


If my sister comes here for Year11, which'll be in like 2 years, it's gonna cost a freakin bomb for all 3 of us to be living here. When you reach a certain age, you're supposed to be slacking off, getting ready for retirement, but it's like my parents have to work harder and harder. Why the hell am I even taking a double degree? Am I blowing 2 years of ringgit-converted-to-dollars needlessly?


Things that people say. I'm not going to go into detail, but I will say that Deeps once told me that he is actually a chronically depressed person who puts on this mask of congeniality and hyper-happiness to hide it. By the same token...I don't think people realize how much the things they say hurt until I inform them of it. I can take a joke, and I can give as good as I get. But in doing so, do I project this image of myself that make people think I am totally insensitive and unemotional when it comes to certain subjects? (Note: I am not chronically depressed! My analogy is that of wearing masks :P)


Plus, it takes a lot to make me actually lose my cool and tell someone off when they get to me. Snongy is always saying she's amazed at the things I actually think, because I never show it. Bleah. I didn't know I had such an unexpressive face. Poker championships here I come.


Ok, that was a whole shitload of emotional crap. Sigh. There are other things, but not worth mentioning. I can feel them building up, though. Someday, they'll blow and I'll probably blog about it. Things have a way of happening to me all at once. Or maybe things are just happening all the time and I have a shit way of dealing with them?


This doesn't sound very good for a birthday post. Bah. Pictures on the way.